Hit It From the Back!

Listen, can you believe this? I am actually involved in a “funny” conversation right now on Facebook about men willing to have sex with women who have stretch marks. I am not kidding, a photo of a woman with a pretty decent-sized (big) tummy with stretch marks was posted, and the question was asked whether men would hit it from the back only or be okay with seeing her stretch marks  (or some stupid shit like that). *crickets*

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First off, i can’t believe men and women over 35 years old are even having this discussion. As I sat there and read all the posts from the women and men, I literally was shaking my head off my neck…well not literally, but you get the point. I mean I get it a little, when I earned my stripe with my twins, I really didn’t like my body, but then I grew up!

Here I am, 44 years old, I know I am not hard on the eyes, and frankly I finally have a healthy body image; I own my feminine  prowess and sex appeal, and I’m quite apt in utilizing my feminine wiles if necessary, I’m just saying. But what in the entire H-E-L-L I look like giving a rat’s ass about the stretch marks on my stomach? I mean I earned these bad boys, I brought three “chirren” into this world, I even carried twins. And until you carry two over 6lb babies in your stomach, you can’t say shit to me about stretch marks! This has literally caused me to be befuddled in the middle of my work day, so you know me, I had to share and see what you all think.

I mean do you men really think we choose these marks that leave our stomachs looking like a brain? But the better question is, why as a grown man, who supposedly is mature, logical, intellectual, and understands what is really important in life, are you asking a question about whether another man would have sex with a woman with stretch marks?  When I see or hear a man pose these questions, even if he claims it isn’t what he thinks (he is lying otherwise he wouldn’t have asked it) it lets me know two things off the top: 1) This man has no depth and has the life skills and fortitude of a 12 year old pre-pubescent boy and 2) He has yet to evolve to see women other than tools to fulfill his lustful desires. Selfish, surface-ass children! I said it, I mean it, and I ain’t taking this shit back! Sisters, hear me and hear me well, you are a woman, you have the ability to change the world. WE are the most powerful beings on earth! We create life, give life, deliver the future through our wombs, we don’t have to allow men to determine if our bodies are suitable to them, hell they need to have a come-to-Jesus about their privilege for even being able to enter into our sacred places. Here is the kicker to it all, they then reduce and justify this type of rationale by saying “everyone has preferences, some men like them, some don’t”. Well if stretch marks are determining factors for whether you would date/court/be in a relationship/sleep with a woman, then this type of man really isn’t someone capable of “adulting” at all. Don’t let these asinine, immature grown ass men, incapable of high-level thinking penetrate your minds or bodies anymore; don’t even give them the idea they have anything to do with you getting chosen by them. Sisters, your bodies are sacred temples, never let anyone determine your worth based on your outer accoutrements. Shoot, if you got stretch marks, I challenge you to keep those lights on, because this ain’t got nothing to do with Teddy Pendergrass, and make that man kiss all on them and rub some Emu oil on them! Because baby, you’re still sexy, even with that brain on your stomach! 

I just be damn! I need me a Ketel One martini NOW! 😆

Now I know I promised this blog would never be about male bashing, and it isn’t and won’t be, but I just had to share my thoughts on this. Nah, I’m not mad, really I’m not; this was actually a light-hearted blog that was just very blunt and pointed. But if ya mad, get glad!

Until next time,

Smooches sugas

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I wish I would!

As you all know, I talk about my misadventures of dating and what it’s like to be a “seasoned” woman over 40, single, and man-less. I mean don’t feel a way about any of that, I am enjoying my freedom, options, and my ability to exercise them any way I see fit. Nevertheless, the idea of a successful relationship doesn’t come with the simplified rules of days of old, you know: boy meets girl, boy asks girl out, girl is excited and tells all her girlfriends; boy calls girl, boy courts girl; boy and girl fall in love, boy meets girl’s family, boy gets down on one knee and proposes, boy and girl get married and live happily ever after, that was easy enough right?.

Well let me tell you, gone are the days of “making sense” (not even sure why I put that in quotes). I mean nothing makes sense to me anymore. In all honesty, I am not as fixated on gender roles anymore, I’m about halfway a feminist, and I don’t believe in waiting on a man to make the first move. As women we are empowered to go for what we want, including men. BUT with all that said, I am here to tell you, I am not about to play by these rules, and I blame it on these millennials and their mamas and daddies!  These young bucks got these old bucks out here in these streets acting crazy with these expectations. Honestly it isn’t the cubbies I have an issue with, it’s these  38 to over 40 year old grown people playing games, and I am going to tell you what, it has resulted in a bunch of lazy dating, standard-compromising, and cheapskate. Yeah, I said it.

There are so many blogs, articles, Facebook pages, and conversations about how hard it is to date in 2016, and I will admit, the landscape has definitely changed, there is no denying it. One of the main discussions I have seen and participated in as of late is the idea of women proving themselves worthy of dating men, and this includes everything from pre-dates before the first date to see if the man likes the woman enough to spend money on her, to proving a woman is “real” enough without her weave or eyelashes or waist trainer. It’s not just me. Women too have prerequisites and are playing just as many games as the men, with their serial dating and “meal planning”.

I have talked about this before in a previous blog, but it’s this concept that you ask a man/woman out for a “meet and greet” first to size them up, and then typically, the man will determine if she is worthy of his wallet. Yeah, for real, it’s happening just like that. However, the other day I was in a conversation that evolved into a conversation about who pays on the first date.

Let me explain. The conversation started as usual, someone asked the question about who should pay on the first date, and of course the consensus was it should be whomever initiates the date. That’s fair right, I can get down with that, I guess. Then the conversation took an interesting turn when more than one man expressed how they felt women should at least offer to pay for herself of the date, a date he asked her out on, even if he is prepared to pay. Now mind you, we aren’t talking about someone that is in a relationship where things are shared between the couple, no we are talking first dates here people. We have men saying that women should at least offer to pay for her half of the date on the first date to prove she isn’t selfish. What THEE entire hell is going on here?  You want me to prove something on the first date that you typically learn as you observe and listen and spend time with people? I am so not here for any of this!

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I WISH I WOULD  entertain the idea of having to prove my character to anyone on the first date; I wish I would be moved by a man expecting me to offer to pay for anything on a date he asked me on, and I wish I would feel like I am selfish just because I don’t offer. If you deem me selfish,a freeloader, or whatever, honey go right on head, knock yourself out!. But one thing I will not do, is prove anything to anyone that hasn’t earned a place in my in my sphere, let alone my purse. Listen, I am still old school, I want things to stay this way. Thankfully I haven’t attracted this type of man, but when you have these new jack dudes spouting this nonsense, I just have to share my thoughts on this. I simply think if you ask me out, you need to take me out, not expect for me to subsidize your budget. Listen, if you can’t afford something, don’t do it, or at least wait. Truth is, most women will understand, will think nothing of it, and will even offer something that is low cost or no cost. Ain’t no future in frontin’!

But a note to my younger sisters, when you start lowering your standards and compromising what feels right, you become a “pick me” type of woman, and that is not a good look. And brothers, you don’t want a woman that will do anything just to get picked, and allow you to be lazy and not exert any effort. Stop allowing others to determine if you are worthy, you are already worthy doggone it. Besides, a wise man once told me, a man will not work hard for anything he hasn’t invested in. Take that how you want to.

Now, I’ve gotten that off my chest.

Until next time,

Smooches sugas!

 

 

 

Ain’t That a Blip!

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That was Willona’s memorable line on Good Times back in 1975 when Walter told her he was deaf. I’ll never forget it, I swear Willona is me and I am Willona.

Well last night, after being asked out for drinks (and y’all already know how I feel about that approach – if not go read my other blogs posts) by a really nice man I met at a Meet Up last week, that is exactly what I said as I walked my big butt back to my car.

Why?

I’m glad you asked! Besides you already knew I was going to tell you, after all that is why I’m writing this blog.

I swear, this blog was intended to be positive only and chronicle my misadventures as a single woman in Atlanta, and honestly I have had a lot of fun. I swore off male-bashing on this blog, and I promised never to single a man out, specifically, you know, just talk about my experiences. Well bear with me, I’m about to go in just a teeny bit.

WHO IN THE HELL ASKS YOU OUT FOR DRINKS, to a very nice restaurant I might add, only to tell you he was about to go out and eat oysters with someone else? WAIT A MINUTE, aren’t we already in a restaurant? Like damn, you could have kept that to yourself. Am I the only one thinking that was extremely rude, or am I being hyper-sensitive because I am PMS’ing? I mean, there I was sitting there, enjoying two good martinis, enjoying the conversation for the most part (except when this knee-ga-roh leans in front of me to speak to the two very pretty single ladies sitting at the bar to my left, to make small talk –  in all fairness he was playing wingman, or so he says, for the man trying to holler at them) and hoping maybe we didn’t have to end the date or he would at least ask me “what are you getting into later”. Nah, none of that happened because Mr. Man had to go eat some oysters. If you could see and hear me now, you would hear my lips smacking!

Truthfully I believe he made these plans while we were sitting there. He picked up the phone two or three times and responded to text messages, and here I was trying to practice good social media control while out on this damn date.  I know the dating game has changed, but where they do all this? UGH

I mean he isn’t wrong necessarily for having other plans, but brother needs to get his game together. What a way to make me feel awkward. I know, I know, he didn’t owe me anything or an explanation, I just think it was rude and tacky, and I don’t do rude or tacky! And then the worst part of it all, I just think it is gentlemanly and right to check and make sure the lady gets home safely, and this joka didn’t even check to see if I was home, even after saying he would check on me. Wait, I lied, he did text me this morning to say “I guess you made it home safely…the oysters were delicious”.

AIN’T THAT A BLIP!

Until next time,

Smooches sugas

The Case for the Ego

“Hey Miss Lady…aye, you sure look good. What’s yo name? You gotta man? You just gone keep walking? Miss Lady, Miss Lady, you gotta man?”

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Me and my Sorors were talking about this just yesterday, how we could be out and about, minding our business, and here comes this gentleman. Not to slight anyone at any stage of their life and the challenges they may face, but how many times have you been approached by a man you know doesn’t stand a chance? The funny part is, this brother isn’t thinking about you or your prerequisites  and he isn’t intimidated by you either. Isn’t that what we want anyway? Maaaaaan I’ll get hit on by this brother 50 times walking down the street, yet the ones I think should be approaching me don’t! Why is that?!

How many times have I heard “some men may be intimidated by you”, not just in reference to me personally, but in response to other women who present as well-put together, accomplished, sometimes educated, financially secure women (you know they get the wrap of being an “independent woman” as if that is a bad thing, and means different things to different people). Like, what does that mean anyway, why is a grown man intimidated by a woman?  I tell you what, I think it is an excuse.

What can we learn from this hypothetical, yet real archetype above?

When EGO and PRIDE are out of the way, you have nothing to lose, and everything to gain. Women love risk takers, men who know what they want and go for it, like Mr. Man above. I am tired of going to the grocery store, locking eyes with a fine dude, see him aisle to aisle, only to end up in the same check out line, and you can tell he wants to say something, but he lets you walk out the store without saying  word. Like for real, stop waiting for a smoke signal and come on over and get your “Miss Lady” on, just don’t be grimy with it. This is not to say I have a problem making the first move, and I hate rejection just like the next person, but I hear too many men using this intimidated excuse simply because a woman appears to not need HIM. Seems to me more like insecurity issues; maybe it is because a woman drives a nicer car, makes more money, carries herself confidently, and sure of what she wants. Maybe we all should deal with our own perceptions of our self worth so we can stop projecting on the opposite sex (you see how I didn’t make this just a man thing?) So let’s stop with the victim game and playing “intimidated”, when it’s your insecurities and a case for the ego. Brother man up above has no insecurities, his worth is not based on what he has or doesn’t have, clearly, because old dude really “be” trying to get that number! But I don’t want or need an intimidated man.

Ladies, maybe it is time we give men like the one pictured above a shot, you know fix him up and give him a shot…

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-YLE TO THE NO!

I was just playing. My “work with a brother” days are over. Hell, you do remember I am single and over 40…IN ATLANTA. Enough said.

Until next time…

Smooches sugas

 

 

 

 

Getcho Hand Out of My Popcorn!

I am in a Facebook group, matter of fact, it is a group all about match-making, with people serious about being commited. I have restricted my participation on Facebook because they can be consuming and a major distraction. But tonight I saw a post and I was like “dang, did I write this”, so I had to share. Christina OJ posed the question, but I literally could have written it because it actually happened to me exactly like it was written.

I decided to post it here. I am not going to share in the post what I did, but my old school sensibilities definitely were challenged . I mean, I consider myself pretty progressive as a woman, and I don’t necessarily ascribe the way with traditional gender roles. But dang, some things are hard to change, I mean there are some gender roles that should never change. Shoot, I’m an OG when it comes to dating, and I ain’t apologizing for it.

I want to hear from you, especially the men, so here goes!

Dating scenario question:

Man asks woman to movies, she accepts. He buys tickets. They meet at location.

He does not offer to buy concessions but she is hungry and didn’t have time to eat before the movie.

Response 1: Does she sweetly ask him to get her some popcorn and a drink?

OR

Response 2: Does she go buy what she wants and ask him if he wants anything? If he says yes, does she pay for his food? (Even if it costs more than the movie ticket)

OR

Response 3: Does she just go to the counter and order her stuff and eat it in front of him?

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SOUND OFF!

Smooches sugas

Roadtrip!

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All I need right now is a martini shaker, some Ketel One, two lemons, Triple Sec, and a phone call out the blue that says:

Caller: “Hey Marla, you’re off next weekend, get ready to pack a bag, call the boys’ dad, and don’t ask any questions. We’re going on a road trip. Let’s ride”.

Sigh.

Long sigh.

Longer sigh.

Shit.

Ladies, I know some of you can relate. I mean this single life is for the birds – sometimes. Summertime is two months away, there will be so many concerts, barbecues, and pool parties, and it would be good to have someone to take with you, especially when you know there will be other couples at these events. You kind of get tired of going to Wolf Creek with you and your girls, while you watch all the love bugs having fun with other couples. Then there are the vacations. I mean I love doing the girl’s weekend getaway thing, I love traveling alone even more, but there is nothing like going away with a man, being in “like” (or love), traveling to get away and enjoy one another’s company; driving for hours with the top down and wind swooshing through the car, music blasting, him looking sexy as hell with his Versace or Ray Ban’s on, while you recline in the passenger seat, holding his right hand and rubbing his thigh, your legs propped up partially on the dashboard, and you tingle in silence knowing he is thinking the same thing as you. Days full of fun, sight-seeing and exploration, filled with laughter and playful fisticuffs, to romantic evenings with the sun setting, changing clothes to go out on the town dancing; walking with hands paired and intertwined, while you go out experience the local night life after dinner; dancing and drinking martinis, getting that slight buzz you know will ultimately lead back to the hotel; rides up the elevator to the room, as he abruptly grabs you by the back of your neck and slightly tightens his grip, (and you like that ish) while you silently gasp in anticipation of electrifying kisses; elevator door opens, and you draw yourself closer, as you grasp his forearm tightly, and walk down the hall beside him while his gait increases, him trying to remain cool and calculated as he approaches the hotel room door….

Damn, let me stop, I need a drink now, and this is turning into a romance novel. My imagination is a bit too active. But for real, these are the thoughts in my head, and I swear I hope this happens to me, and happens soon. I can’t wait to find someone compatible to share these types of experiences with, and you know what, it is going to happen this summer. Mark my word.

So cheers…here’s to many happy, fun, summer road trips in your future!

Until next time,

Smooches sugas

Here is my new rule…

…NO MORE TEXTING FOR ME!

That’s it, I am done trying to communicate with another adult through text message, specifically MEN. I am sick of getting things misconstrued and sick of the inconsistent behavior. For me when grown people text each other, it makes them lazy; you don’t have to give a person all of your attention, you don’t have to practice good listening skills, and you do yourself and the other person a disservice because you miss out completely on any type of mental stimulation. I mean, we can’t even begin to learn how people communicate anymore; we don’t know if they are slow, careful speakers, if they talk with their hands, if they frame statements as questions, if they are smiling when they say that “joke” that you just took seriously. Do they really mean “maybe” or are they saying yes? We aren’t forced to wait to hear someone else out, we are busy typing multiple responses before they even have a chance to respond, and I admit I am guilty of this! We aren’t forced to look in the eyes of anyone anymore, and you know what they say, eyes are the window to the soul.  We have become a society of convenient daters, and with the cell phone you can now date several people simultaneously through texting. Ain’t nothing but a whole bunch of “phoneships”.  Dates are even initiated through texts, they go like this:

Him: Hi Marla, how are you?

Me: I am well, how are you?

Him: You want to go out?

Me (in my head): You couldn’t pick up the phone and ask me?

I know I am not the only person that feels this way. Well I am tired of it, and I say it won’t change unless we start expecting differently and not respond to these texts. Don’t get me wrong, texting is okay, but when you are getting to know someone,  they should be off limits! Texting is the fastest way to misread someone’s intention. Hell, leave out one comma and you could start a whole argument.  We don’t now people triggers or how they receive information, so play it safe and just make effort to see someone or at least hear their voice and give them a chance to elaborate and hear you.

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I recently had a conversation with someone that I really wanted to see, I mean really. We had one date, and I was looking forward to the next. He kept in touch after the date, you guessed it, through texts, sporadic at that. He finally got around to inquiring about my time, and because he misconstrued something in a text, I sat there looking stupid thinking he was about to ask me out.  Then when I tried to show him what he misread, I even screenshot the same conversation he had on his phone (all he had to do was scroll up), it just got worse. Then he said it was too much drama! WELL IF HE HAD PICKED UP THE PHONE WE WOULDN’T HAVE HAD THIS MISCOMMUNICATION!

I just read a quote, and I am going to end with this, it said: “Texting is a brilliant way to miscommunicate how you feel, and misinterpret what other people mean”. I completely agree, so join me, SAY NO TO TEXTING! Let’s get back to old fashion communicating and dating!

Until next time,

Smooches sugas!